If Only In My Dreams
by perxephne
Summary: Angeline Henshaw is on the brink of having her reputation irrevocably ruined until Sidney Parker makes a surprising proposal of marriage. {One-shot, AU}.


**Author's Note: **{AU} one-shot written for **sanditoncreative** '12 Days of Sanditon' 2019 Tumblr challenge.

Prompt: 'Where the lovelight gleams'.

* * *

**If Only In My Dreams**

_I'm doing fine_  
_I dance alone_  
_With my head high_  
_Oh solitude it's so sublime..._

Angeline Henshaw wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, the gesture unladylike, but she was beyond caring. She straightened up, her stomach churning, ready to revolt again. Blinking back the tears, she wiped her hands on the front of her white ball dress, ruining the silk. Mouth trembling, she tried to tidy her hair, the golden curls in disastrous disarray but it was a lost cause, just like she was.

Giving up, Angeline leant against the sandstone wall, letting the evening air cool her heated face. Despite it being December, the weather had been surprisingly mild so far. Some had surmised it would snow tonight, but even this threat couldn't persuade Angeline to go back into the ballroom just yet, knowing her abrupt exit would have not have passed unnoticed. The scandalmongers would soon be circling like vultures, more than ready to feast upon the carcass of her ruined reputation once the truth came out, not that anyone would be surprised.

The Henshaws were known to be notorious, Red Jack Henshaw founding a dissolute dynasty that had continued to court controversy for generations. Angeline's mother had been a noted beauty, gracing many a man's boudoir, and her father had been a famous rake who'd been killed in a duel. Now it was just Angeline and her twin brother Algernon left, Angeline fast gaining a reputation for being fast, whilst Algernon threatened to follow in their father's footsteps, haunting every gambling hell going.

"Miss. Henshaw?"

Angeline's head snapped up. "Sidney," she said stupidly, her hand reaching up in reflex to her tumbled hair again, "what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the ballroom breaking hearts right, left and centre?"

Sidney studied her, eyes narrowing, not taken in by her trademark taunting tone. "I thought that was your forte," he said dryly, "or so the ton say."

Angeline scoffed. "Oh, the 'Angel'?" she said bitterly, referring to the ridiculous sobriquet bestowed upon her by her adoring horde of swains. "Maybe their damned 'Angel' isn't as angelic as they think."

Sidney raised his eyebrows. "You certainly look like a fallen angel just now," he said, eying her critically, "what the deuce is ailing you?"

Angeline closed her eyes. "Don't speak to me so," she said, her voice cracking, "it is none of your concern."

"I've known you since you were knee-high, Angeline."

"So?"

"So it means I might just give a damn."

"It might just mean you have a long memory,"

"Well, I do remember catching Algie stealing apples from my father's orchard."

"What an auspicious start to the long-standing friendship between our two families."

Sidney rolled his eyes. "Here," he said, shrugging off his tailcoat, "It's perishing out here."

Angeline tensed under his touch as he draped it around her bare shoulders. "Thank you," she said reluctantly, something in her voice making him glance sharply at her. Before she could react, he had pressed the back of his large hand to her forehead, brow furrowing. "What the devil do you think you are doing?" she demanded, jerking her head away from him.

"You're feverish," Sidney said impatiently, "and you've been sick, I can smell it on your breath."

"Well, I certainly didn't show Lady Stanton's rose bushes any mercy," Angeline snapped, glancing at where she had thrown up, thinking it pointless to dissemble.

"Have you been drinking?"

"I'm – I'm with child."

There, she had said it. The knowledge filled her with a curious relief. But Sidney just stared at her, face pale beneath his tan. As they stood there, the silence spinning out between them, Angeline felt a strange, supercilious pride in leaving the usual unflappable Sidney Parker lost for words

A hysterical laugh escaped her lips, making Sidney flinch. "Why are you so shocked, Sid?" Angeline mocked. "You know I'm no better than I should be."

"Who is the father?" Sidney said with difficulty.

"I know who the father is, surprisingly enough," Angeline said sarcastically, making Sidney flinch anew. "But he is of no import."

"Angeline" –

-"Don't" –

-"Angeline," Sidney repeated, snatching her hands up in his, "whoever he is, he must marry you."

"He won't."

"Is he married already?"

"No."

Sidney looked at her, suddenly looking very old. "What happened, Angeline?" he said tiredly, letting go of her hands, dropping his own to his sides.

"How it usually happens," Angeline drawled, "I gave him my virtue, and here we are."

"He took advantage of you?"

Angeline looked away, bravado suddenly fading. "I loved him," she said, voice cracking, "but… but that was not enough. He said I had to prove my love, so… so I did. He said it was natural, that we would soon be wed."

"You were secretly engaged?"

"I considered us so, but he was of another opinion," Angeline said bitterly. "When I told him I was with child, he promised we would marry as soon as he could arrange it, but he has left me in the lurch, Sidney. He has no scruples or honour and I was a nodcock of the highest order."

"Then you must marry me."

Angeline did a comedic double-take. "Marry you?" she said in disbelief.

"It would purely be a marriage of convenience," Sidney said hastily, face flushing, "I would not force my attentions upon you."

"Sidney…"

"Your child needs a father," Sidney said starkly. "I will raise it as my own."

"I… I cannot let you make such a sacrifice."

"What is the alternative?" Sidney flared up. "You will be shamed and cast out of all good society. Your child will be called a bastard. I will not allow that to happen, Angeline."

Angeline stared at him, blue eyes very big and wide, seeing he was deeply in earnest.

Sidney exhaled sharply. "You are very young, Angeline," he said, shaking his head, "and very naïve. You haven't even finished your first Season yet." At this, Angeline bowed her head, Sidney hesitating, before reaching out and cupping her chin, gently raising it so she faced him. "Marry me," he said quietly, holding her gaze, his stare steady, "be my wife."

Angeline bit her lip. "Yes," she said slowly, wondering at herself, "I… I will marry you."

_Oh could it be_  
_I passed you by a thousand times before_  
_Not knowing who you were..._


End file.
